I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
