the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
