wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
