So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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