Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
