Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
