i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
