dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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