it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Can you bring me the toilet please
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
