I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
