He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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