I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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