The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
