hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
