So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
