I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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