New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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