I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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