Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
