he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
