If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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