Buhtt sex?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
