SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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