I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
