can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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