If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
