Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
dude. I can hear the air.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
