Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
