billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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