I can text with my tongue
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
