I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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