I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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