i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I supernannyed him into submission
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
