If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
