don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
