So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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