Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
