nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The air was thick with penises
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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