What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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