That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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