i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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