I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I met the friendliest cop last night
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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