Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
