Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
