Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
