you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
