If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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