She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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