Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Houston, we have a blender
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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