best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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